First I want to talk about the important life lessons we married persons can learn from country music lyrics, such as "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden" or "I really miss you baby, but my aim is improving."

Naturally, as an "outstanding local celebrity," I reacted in a calm and dignified manner, by which I mean I flung my arm in the air, pointed at the screens and shouted: "LOOK, EVERYBODY, IT'S ME!!!"

"Ha ha ha," my wife said as she watched the ad, "She sure doesn't eat her fish sandwich the way you do!"