"Controversy surfaced yesterday," reported TheNoseOnYourFace.com, "when the asterisk, the star-like typographical symbol expected by many to appear alongside Bonds' place in the record books to denote the slugger's steroid use, announced that it wanted 'no part' of Bonds' record.

"'I usually try to stay out of controversy, but [Barry Bonds] is a pompous, narcissistic fool,' said the asterisk. 'I'm drawing the line. It's time some other punctuation marks start to carry some of this dirty water. In fact, I'll call out the question mark. Why don't we put the very symbol of uncertainty, doubt and improbability alongside Mr. Bonds' skid mark in the record book?'

"There are several different speeds in several different roads," [Nelson Piquet] told Globo TV. "Sometimes you don't pay attention and you break the speed limit -- and you can lose your driver's licence in a very fast way."