For example, parents in shopping malls routinely point me out to their children. "Do you see that guy over there?" the parents always say. "That man is the Greatest Sleeper our country has ever produced!"

Other people simply "enjoy" sleep; I "savour" sleep, attacking it with all the unabashed eagerness of Lindsay Lohan tucking into a really outstanding double martini, or Oprah diving into a chili dog with extra cheese.

That is not my point. My point is that after analyzing my "sleep data" this week, the doctor announced I have something called "sleep apnea," a medical condition in which you snore real loud and stop breathing until your wife starts kicking you.