TODAY'S health topic for men is: The importance of preserving those last few remaining brain cells. But first I want to remind everyone to quit "beating around the beehive" and send in your entries for [Doug Speirs]'s Really Horrible Hairstyle Contest.

I have just checked with our crack research department and we currently estimate we have received approximately ZERO entries to date. So I'm pretty sure we can do better, people. But that is not today's topic. Today's topic, as I recall from the first paragraph, is the decaying male brain.

"No, I'm fine!" I sniffed dismissively as I lumbered into the parking lot, where I'm proud to report I managed, while juggling eight Safeway bags, to press the trunk button on my keys, fling the groceries into the car, then slam the trunk shut in a manly fashion.