Opening closed doors--the downside of suing your abuser.

• Date: 01 July 2012
• Author: Boll, Rosemarie

In the last issue of LawNow I outlined a number of good reasons why you might want to sue the person who is abusing you. However, there are an equal number of good reasons why you might choose to pass up a civil suit. Any one or a combination of the following options might be all you want or need. Where do you fit in? (1)

Court is not for me

1. You've simply had enough. Just leaving will let you move on with your life.

2. You want to maintain the relationship and avoid conflict.

3. Many victims feel ashamed at having stayed in an abusive relationship for a long time. Talking about it can be even more humiliating, especially when other people don't believe you or look down on you for it. Men abused by women are particularly vulnerable to society's scorn, as are victims in same-sex relationships.

4. You might choose to forgive your abuser as part of your healing process.

   Other resources meet your needs

1. Resources for victims are available in shelters, through educational programs or in peer support groups. Professional and volunteer organisations can help you heal and learn how to avoid being drawn into another abusive relationship.

2. There are many abuser treatment programs. You might be satisfied if your abuser goes through a course of counselling, whether or not you choose to stay in the relationship.

3. Most provinces offer financial resources to victims of crime. A sum of money might give you enough independence to get on your feet and away from your abuser.

4. You might choose to become a resource for...