Family evaluation in child custody mediation, arbitration, and litigation.

Children's wishes are sometimes considered in custody cases. But can their comments be taken at face value? Not necessarily, according to child psychiatrist Richard Gardiner. In his book, Family Evaluation in Child Custody Mediation, Arbitration, and Litigation, Dr. Gardiner states that up to 90% of children in custody conflicts exhibit some signs of parental alienation syndrome.

What is parental alienation syndrome? It is a disturbance in which children are preoccupied with disapproval and criticism of a parent. This denigration is unjustified or exaggerated. (Gardiner, p.225-252) It is caused primarily by the programming parent, who does more than merely brainwash the child. She or he consciously and subconsciously (or unconsciously) alienates the child from the other parent.

The conscious and deliberate acts of alienation make up the brainwashing aspect. It includes referring to the hated parent by vulgar and obscene names in front of or to the children. A parent's minor psychological problems may be embellished into major deficiencies. The programming parent may use sarcasm--"Isn't that wonderful, your daddy bought you new shoes," means "So your dad finally spent a few bucks on you." Threats about finances are often weapons. The programming parent may falsely convince a child that the family may actually freeze or starve to death because the hated parent pays insufficient or no child support. Commonly, alienated children accept these allegations as 100% valid. They will dismiss any attempts by the hated parent to disprove them. Children may be told to lie--"Mommy's in the shower"--when actually she's standing right beside the child at the telephone. There are a wide variety of other tactics used: "If your mother does something to upset you while you are at her apartment, call 9-1-1!" Or, the programming parent may refuse to be in the same room with the hated parent at a school concert or parentteacher interview. All of these brainwashing tactics are designed to portray the hated parent as unworthy of being treated with honesty and respect, and as having objectionable qualities that justify him or her being lied to and rejected.

Subtle subconscious or unconscious programming can be even more effective than brainwashing. For example, a father announces that he won't criticise the other parent. He tells his children, "There are things I could tell you about your mother which would knock your socks off, but I'm not the kind of dad who...