Grandparent-grandchild contact: a right or a privilege?

• Author: Boll, Rosemarie
• Position: Family Law

The Grandparents' Day Act, Manitoba

WHEREAS grandparents play an important, nurturing role in family life and are a valuable link between generations;

AND WHEREAS grandparents should be honoured and appreciated for their guidance and wisdom;

THEREFORE ... in each year, the first Sunday in September after Labour Day is to be known throughout Manitoba as "Grandparents' Day."

Norman Rockwell's iconic painting of the beaming grandma and grandpa proudly serving the family Thanksgiving turkey is the Grandparents Day Act made visible--but is it true to life? There are two basic assumptions about children, their parents and their grandparents:

1. parents have the fundamental right to decide the care, custody, and control of their children (1)

2. societies all over the world believe that an involved extended family, and particularly grandparents, can enhance children's lives.

Many families find a balance between these two principles. That balance can be seriously disrupted by marriage breakdown, divorce and re-partnering, death, longstanding family disputes, and cultural, religious, or lifestyle clashes. Any of these common situations can damage or end the grandparent/grandchild relationship. In cases of severe conflict, when can a grandparent's wishes override a parent's choices?

In highly-conflicted cases, the first premise out the window is the Norman Rockwell view of grandparents. Quite simply, not all grandparental contact is good for children.

Applying the right law is not straightforward. (2) Five provinces (Quebec, British Columbia, (3) Alberta, (4) Manitoba, (5) New Brunswick (6)) and one territory (Yukon (7)) have passed laws which specifically include grandparents. Other provinces permit access applications by non-parents without naming grandparents. The federal Divorce Act (8) permits non-parents to apply for access.

The Quebec Civil Code is strongly-worded:

Article 611. In no case may the father or mother, without a grave reason, interfere with personal relations between the child and his grandparents. Failing agreement between the parties, the terms and conditions of these relations are decided by the court.

Contrast Quebec with Alberta, where there is no assumption that children have a right to a relationship with their grandparents or that grandparents have a right to a relationship with their grandchildren.

But no matter what the law says, grandparents everywhere face the same dilemma: is court-ordered contact better for children...