Parenting Coordination: The Cutting Edge of Conflict Management with Separated and Divorced Families

• Author: Linda Chodos
• Pages: 389-412

Parenting Coordination:

The

Cutting

Edge

of

Conflict

Management

with

Separated

and

Divorced Families

Linda

Chodos

A.

INTRODUCTION

Professionals

working

in the

family

law

arena with separated

and di-

vorcing

families

naturally want

to

believe that

the

service provided

to

parents will

be

helpful

to

them. Regardless

of

whether they

are

mental

health professionals

or

lawyers,

the

common goal

is to

provide

a

service

designed

to

assist

the

family

to

move through

a

successful

transition

by

settling their

issues

and

disengaging

from

their marital relationship,

both legally

and

emotionally.

All

professionals have been

faced

with

the

challenges

and

frus-

trations inherent

in

finding

an

approach that will contain

the

parents'

conflict

in

order

to

resolve

the

issues

and

move

forward.

Professionals

are

all too

familiar

with separated parents

who

remain

in

conflict

over

parenting

issues

irrespective

of the

existence

of

court orders, separation

agreements,

or

negotiated settlements. This paper will

focus

on

parent-

ing

coordination,

a

newly developing professional role, designed

to as-

sist parents

who

remain

in

high-conflict

parenting relationships.

There

is

considerable agreement amongst researchers regarding

the

intensity

of the

impact that separation

and

divorce

has on the

entire fam-

ily.

Holmes

and

Rahe developed

and

utilized

the

life

events rating scale

(Social

Readjustment Rating

Scale)

and

noted divorce

as

second only

to

*

Linda Chodos,

M.S.W.,

R.S.W.

wishes

to

express

her

appreciation

to Dr.

Barbara

Fidler

for her

contribution

to

this paper.

389

390

LINDA

CHODOS

death

in its

intensity

as a

life

stressor.1

It is

generally expected

and not

uncommon that parents recently separated will experience some degree

of

conflict

as

they navigate

the

layers

of the

divorce process

and

work

through their child-related

and

financial

issues.2 Research indicates that

it

generally takes about

two to

three

years

for

parents

to

adjust

to the

separation

and

successfully

disengage

from

one

another.3

The

great

majority

of

parents

are

receptive

to

education, support,

and

short-term therapeutic interventions. They

are

eventually able

to

move

through

the

transition, disengage

as

partners,

and

develop

a

workable

parenting relationship. Once child-related issues have been addressed,

and

signed parenting plans, separation agreements and/or court orders

are

in

place, these parents,

for the

most part,

are

able

to

resolve

the

day-

to-day issues that occur without requiring

the

assistance

of

profession-

als or the

court. Current research indicates that separating parents

who

are

able

to

co-parent with

low

levels

of

conflict

facilitate

a

more positive

psychosocial adjustment

for

their

children's

future

well-being.4 Maccoby

and

Mnookin indicate that achieving

a

cooperative parenting relation-

ship will more likely occur

from

a

place

of

disengagement

and

that,

for

some parents, this

may

never

occur.5

B.

HIGH-CONFLICT

RELATIONSHIPS

There remains

a

minority group

of

parents, (about

8 to 12

percent)

who

cannot divorce

successfully

and

remain caught

in an

entrenched battle

1

Holmes

&

Rahe, "Holmes-Rahe

Life

Changes Scale"

(1967)

11

Journal

of

Psychoso-

matic

Research

213-18.

2

Joan

B.

Kelly,

"Children's

Adjustment

in

Conflicted

Marriage

and

Divorce:

A

Decade Review

of

Research"

(2000)

39:8 Journal American Academy Child

and

Adolescent Psychiatry

963-73;

E.

Mavis Hetherington

"Coping

with Family Transi-

tions: Winners, Losers

and

Survivors"

(1989)

60

Child Development 1-14; Eleanor

Maccoby

&

Robert

Mnookin,

Dividing

the

Child:

Social

and

Legal

Dilemmas

of

Custody

(Cambridge,

MA:

Harvard University

Press,

1992).

3 E.

Mavis Hetherington, Martha Cox,

&

Roger Cox,

"Effects

of

Divorce

on

Parents

and

Children"

in

M.E. Lamb, ed.,

Non-traditional

Families

(Hillsdale,

NJ:

Lawrence

Erlbaum

Associates, 1982)

223-88;

J.S. Wallerstein

&

Joan

B.

Kelly,

Surviving

The

Breakup:

How

Children

And

Parents

Cope

With

Divorce

(New

York:

Basic

Books, 1980).

4 E.

Mavis Hetherington,

Coping

with

Divorce,

Single

Parenting,

and

Remarriage:

A

Risk

and

Resiliency

Perspective

(Mahwah,

NJ:

Lawrence Erlbaum Associates,

1999);

J.R.

Johnston,

"High

Conflict

Divorce"

in the

David

and

Lucillle Packard Foundation, ed.,

The

Future

of

Children:

Children

and

Divorce

(Los Altos,

CA: The

Center

for the

Future

of

Children, 1994)

165-81;

Kelly,

supra

note

2;

Maccoby

&

Mnookin,

supra

note

2.

5

Maccoby

&

Mnookin,

ibid.