Losing Tip #13: Never Discard a Hopeless Argument

• Author: Marvin Catzman
• Pages: 309-313

Losing

Tip

# 13:

Never Discard

a

Hopeless

Argument

Here

is the

scenario.

Your

client

was

arrested while driving

up the

on-ramp

on the

Wind-

sor

side

of the

Ambassador Bridge during

an

intense thunderstorm.

He

1

came

to the

attention

of the

local constabulary because

his

convertible

top

was

down,

he was

shirtless,

he was

wearing

a red

fireman's

hat on

his

head

at a

rakish

angle,

and he was

belting

out,

at the top of his

lungs,

his

impression

of

Gene

Kelly

doing

"Singin'

in the

Rain."2

When

the

police

officer

asked

him to

step

out of the

car,

he

responded

by

picking

up a

tire iron

and

swinging

it

wildly, missing

the

police

officer

by a

coun-

try

mile3

but

opening

a

three-inch

gash4

over

his

left

eye

that took

twen-

Mr.

Justice

Marvin Catzman, Court

of

Appeal

for

Ontario.

I

think

we

have

done this before. "She"

and

"her"

are

reserved

for

smart judges,

smart

lawyers,

and

smart clients. "He,"

"him,"

and

"his"

refer

to the

other kind.

Singin'

in the

Rain,

MGM,

1952

(Technicolor;

103

min.).

This

didn't

really

merit

a

footnote,

but

editors

love

to

publish

articles

filled with obscure

and

pretentious

notes

that make

the

authors

of the

articles

appear

far

smarter than they

really

are.

Or

its

metric

equivalent. Whatever happened

to

expressions

like:

"I

wouldn't

touch

that with

a

ten-foot pole"

or

"Give

'em

an

inch

and

they'll

take

a

mile"

or

"The

whole

nine

yards"?

Are

people afraid

to use

them

for

fear

of

violating

the

Weights

and

Measures

Act,

R.S.C.

1990,

c.

W-6

(as

amended)?

See

note

3.

Somehow, "7.62-centimetre gash" isn't

as

dramatic

as

"three-inch

gash,"

is it?

309

i

2

3

4

Justice

Marvin

Catzman'