Losing Tip #9: Make Your Factum Read Like War and Peace

• Author: Marvin Catzman
• Pages: 297-299

Losing

Tip # 9:

Make

Your

Factum

Read

Like

War and

Peace

Leo

Tolstoy would have

been

one of the

greatest

factum

writers

in

histo-

ry.

At

least,

I

think

he

would

have,1

though

he was a

little before

my

time.2

He is

clearly

the

model

for

most

factum

writers

today, because

they

do

everything they

can to

emulate

his

style.

Take,

for

example,

War

and

Peace.

Tolstoy wrote

this

novel

in

instal-

ments

that were published between

1865

and

1869.3

In the

original

Russian

(a

language

not

known

for its

economy

of

style),

it

took

up

1,436

pages

from

beginning

to

end.4

In

addition

to

being known

for its

length,

the

novel

is

distinguished

by its

incomprehensibility.

It

depicts

the

story

of

five

families

and

their friends,

all

with impossibly long

and

unpro-

Mr.

Justice

Marvin

Catzman,

Court

of

Appeal

for

Ontario.

Tolstoy

was bom on 9

September

1828,

and

died

(depending

on

whom

you

believe)

on

10

or 17

November

1910.

For

present purposes,

it

doesn't matter whom

you

believe; both

10

November

1910

and

17

November

1910

are

before

my

time.

See

note

i

There

is

a

pernicious rumour

going

the

rounds that Tolstoy

and I

were

classmates

in

high

school That

is

not

true.

He and I

did

not go to the

same

high

school.

As a

matter

of

fact,

I'm not

sure

that Tolstoy

even

went

to

high

school.

Which

would explain

why he

is

famous

and I am

not.

Just

like

factums Factums,

too,

are

frequently

written

in

instalments Which explains

why,

like

War

and

Peace,

different parts

of the

same factum look

as

if

they

were

writ-

ten

by

different people, none

of

whom

was on

speaking terms

with

any of the

others

Qualifying

it

for

inclusion

in

the

Guinness

Book

of

World

Records.

297

Justice

Marvin

Catzman'

i

2

3

4